BRITISH FUCKING TOSSERS

HELSINKI, Finland (Top40 Charts) - After one of the most exciting votings ever, Serbia won the 2007 Eurovision Song Contest with the song Molitva. Marija SERIFOVIC received 268 points from telephone voters in 42 countries with her potent but simply-staged ballad "Molitva", or "Prayer"! The winning song was written by Sasa MILOSEVIC MARE and composed by Vladimir GRAIC. Serbia will now be charged with hosting the event in 2008. Following her win, Ms Serifovic told reporters "a new chapter has opened for Serbia. I am so proud. All my success is made by singing."
Congratulations!

The Ukrainian drag queen 'Verka Serdyuchka' into second place. Russia came third and Turkey finished in fourth place. British act 'Scooch' managed only 29 points with their tossy song, Flying the Flag.

Still its all going to plan;

Nine years agothe Israelis – hardly the most sexually forward-thinking country in the world – fielded the Yemeni postop transsexual Dana International. She won. So while other countries are fielding omnisexual third-sex taboo-busting divas, we’ve sent over Scooch. In flight attendants’ hats. We’re actively trying to retard the contest...

...Every year, without fail, we send whatever is lying, slightly fuzzy, at the bottom of our Pop Fridge. It’s always an act so awful that it’s awfulness looks suspicious – as if we’re fielding the opposite of a ringer. A dinger, maybe, or a minger. The fact that there was a public debate on whether to field Morrissey – one of the greatest pop iconoclasts this country has produced – before, for some reason I still don’t understand, binning him off in favour of Scooch (who look Albanian), is just proof of our Eurovision-wrecking plan.

I thought Bulgaria should have won it. Its a bit of a Juno reactor circa 1994 rip off but I'm told that Juno Reactor ripped off Bulgarian folk music to start with so this is payback.


UPDATE: I wasn't sure if Scooch were so badly rated because they were so shit, because they just weren't shit enough or maybe they were just the wrong type of shit. Apparently I'm wrong on all counts. The real reason we failed? IRAQ:

Britons believe the reason their entrant in this year's Eurovision song contest placed second last comes down to politics, not a disinterest in dancing airline crews and flashing airplanes.

Pop historian Paul Gambaccini told the ABC's AM program the four-member UK band Scooch received so few votes because of Britain's role in Iraq.

"There's an elephant in the room here which no one is talking about, that is the war in Iraq. Britain's votes plummeted with the invasion of the war and they have stayed in the cellar with the occupation."