The Immigrants Left

Evan Davies gets the local employers of Wisbech to try out British workers with predictable results

The Day The Immigrants Left

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JIHADIWATCH

Another great doco from Peter Taylors Generation Jihad series. Remember this? I wondered myself at the time. I never realised the ringleaders had enterd a guilty plea, nor the scope of their international contacts. I remember at the time I used to get loads of abuse in the comments sections of my youtube videos from hothead Muslim kids who happened to be from Toronto. These are all fascinating stories. I think they miss a more rounded explanation as to why these kids fall into terrorism but they are fascinating stories none the less.

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Generation Jihad

Some of the framework of the language around all this puzzles me still but I like Peter Taylors films. Do watch and see what you think. Generation Jihad

Also- How the Internet has taken over the world, or something like that- a new series. I think this chick is quite sexy. She has a really graceful walk which they film her doing all over the world and I like the way she nods at people when they are speaking to her. The Virtual Revolution

SOUPS UP

I am loving Rick Steyns Far Eastern Odyssey on the iPlayer. I just love the food of South East Asia and I have had my wok out a lot recently, sometimes two woks when I make a meat and veggie version of the same meal for friends. I was in Thailand in 93 and I still miss the place, particularly the food, although smiling chicks chatting you up- even the girls behind the counter in the bank doesn't do any harm either. I have had my notebook out collecting a shopping list of ingredients. Recipes from the programme are here.

Rick Stein comes across as particularly camp in this series which I never noticed before, but he is out camped by loads of local TV chefs he meets on this journey. I really get the philosophy behind this cooking and can knock stuff up without following recipes as such, although I think I am going to pay a bit more attention to these hot salads because that is something I have never made which I remember noticing all those years ago.

I remember landing, all green in a foreign country, being scared of the street food, and the process over the three months I was there getting more and more into it until I was raging about it like Stein does in these programmes. That is the big differenece between Thailand and India. Both taste great, but in India you have to be really careful with streetfood, whereas in Thailand you dont at all. Even the simplest of set ups usually has a three washing up bowl process I used to observe whilst eating. I miss Thailand. Hope I can go back soon.

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What are we fighting for?

Very good question from Panorama

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BABYLON DEM TEEF MI ERB

Actually I haven't smoked any herb for two months, or any of the evil weed either. I have had to avoid a bit of social for a while, but managed to get totally pissed the other day without smoking a single fag for the first time. I can watch people smoke without wanting one, its no big deal really.

Anyway, I am not a big fan of other vices like trash TV but I must admit I have really been enjoying Hotel Babylon. I remember this from a few years back. I took no interest in it at the time. On this relaunch I have been hooked since the beginning. Episodes are available on the iPlayer here.

The script is mainly comedy. It is light and silly. A bit kinky, not enough for my liking, but still for family entertainment it is really quite fun. I like all of the characters. All of them except the guy who owns the hotel who sounds like kermit the frog. He looks like one of those bland failed Rugby player types and he is familiar from some other mainstream TV I have successfully managed to avoid. Probably a Police show as he looks like a copper too come to think of it.

He didn't turn up from episode one scene one and when he did, without giving the plot away, it wasn't certain that he was going to stick around. I was a bit sad when he did as he doesn't act as well as kermit, but the other characters managed to hold my attention, particularly the sexy, scary east European cleaning lady.

I watched the latest episode earlier based around poker, where a cunning buisnessman was trying to get the hotel off of the green fella. I was cheering for the cunning stunt-er. I was almost hopeful when frog voice lost the hotel in a game of poker but sadly it was not to be. Overall this is just bubblegum TV which I shouldn't really be watching but save for the kermit influence I can't help liking it.

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WEVOLUTION

Well that was a surprise. An amazing doco on the iPlayer about Robespierre and the French Revolution. Personally I have always believed in revolution, but never been into violent protest on principle. It has always been an untested theory though, lucky as I am to live somewhere where I still feel fairly free. The people in the UK I have met protesting who do believe in violent revolution are invariably playing out bad stuff from their childhood rather than coming out with any admirable principles.

South America, from what I have heard seems to be a bit different. People I have spoken to from there talk of a leftwing principled movement and a right wing capitalist/fascist movement of peoples who grow up in no uncertain terms that the other side want to kill you, and I would imagine a non violent ideal for anyone commited to change would be severly tested.

In terms of modern revolution, the French did it first and there is as is revealed, some frightening corelartion with later attempts to create a fairer society out of an impreialist one. It was fascinating that the only guy who was continually standing up for Robespierre,Slavoj Žižek betrayed so much in his body language that he was probably the same sort of person as Robespierre. An animated angry crank who, if he had any power would be fucking dangerous.

Overall this piece is fascinating, thought provoking and has a brilliant flow edit wise. It really encapsulates the fear any sane person with a revolutionary spirit has about overthrow and idealism inevitably leading to more of the same.

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BRUNO

Yes I was set up for that properly watching some bequiffed idiot slagging it off on BBCNews24.

"I laughed three times blah blah, It's the end of the road for Sasha Baron-Cohen blah blah."

Pekham Multiplex is fairly rowdy on a Friday night and the perfect place to see this movie. I have never been in a cinema where everyone laughed so much. I can't say a lot without spoiling it for you. I prefer Borat as a character, but obviously with Bruno Baron-Cohen has more scope to offend more people in much more offensive ways which he does as an almost ritualistic artform. Genius. Watch it.

Lots of gay people review the film on Newsnight here, but watch the film first.

UPDATE: I watched the film again with some friends in the more sedate and plush Greenwich picture house. Deathly silence as the film started. It was all wrong. When I sit down in Pekham I usually ask myself why am I paying money for this- but to watch Bruno you need a baying crowd of friday night lunatics. None of the people I went with liked the film at all. I suppose you either get Sasha Baron Cohen or you don't. Personally I think he is the most imortant comedian alive at the moment. I think people are going to write thesies about his comedy. My friends were suggesting that it needed a written introduction for people to understand it!

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Famous Rich and Homeless

I know Charlie Brooker was taking the piss out of these Mission documentaries but I must admit I quite like them. I think they are really worthwhile TV in an age which pushes ever onwards towards worthless TV. Famous Rich and Homeless is on the iPlayer here in two episodes both of which are fantastic.

I must admit I usually pass by "spare some change" in London with no reaction and this has made me seriously look at myself about all this, which is the main point of the documentary I suppose. I have only slept rough once, under a bridge when I got stuck hitch hiking. It was horrible. This doco showed really well how easily people who are comfortable and healthy deteriorate in spirit. It was shocking how "homeless" they all looked after just two days.

It was good to see how each individual coped. I had a huge grin watching what a total cunt the grandson of Winston Churchill turned out to be, wimping out from the start. Hardeep was, not surprisingly the funniest, but Annabel Croft was probably the biggest surprise, dealing with what was in front of her in a really open, honest and positive way.

I have read before that John Bird, founder of The Big Issue had "a bit of a problem" and it really came out in part two of this doco, as he berated two of the stars for trying to help the person they were assigned to for the second part of the project. I can sort of get where he is coming from but he made himself look like a complete tosser. Yes, people should be encouraged to help themselves but there is nothing wrong with trying to help people either. You can't shout at people for helping without looking like an idiot especially when they have been on the street for six days and you haven't.

Having said all that, the reason I haven't been the type to "spare change" is because I have seen a bit of the other side of London. I made good money pavement drawing when I had to whilst squatting. Bins in london are full of fresh, high protein food. There are plenty of places where decent free meals are available. I have been humbled by the generosity of some serious looking capitalists at Christmas particularly on Christmas eve when, if you look you will see that every doorway and every available space in the West End is full of beggars with their heads up because a lot of money and gifts are heading their way.

One christmas eve after spending a really bitter day drawing reindeers on the pavement in Victoria I spent the 60 quid I raised on Turkey, Whisky, Wine and Ginger Ale, aplogising to the checkout girl as her hands were blackened by all the coins I handed her. I was always just about fine squatting because I had friends. What this doco reminded me though, was about poverty of the human spirit, and what a crisis it actually is. I remember sitting inside cold and skint, breaking into derelict buildings and sleeping on the floor, taking ketamine to "Be somewhere else". It was another squatter who motivated me to step out and earn something. I could at many points so easily have gone downwards instead. I didn't realise until I was out of it how much of a housing crisis I was actually living in. Just looking back through this blog to posts written when I was still squatting it is really obvious to me how much more insecure, scared and crazy I was. It is easy to be cynical about z list celebrities etc etc but in truth this doco really touched me.

New Statesman

Guardian

...I don't know if Blandford was hoping to repair his reputation as a parasitical waste of space, but if so his plan spectacularly misfired. "The Churchill family seem to be quite good in time of war and this is my war with concrete," he'd smugly announced beforehand, but the first shot hadn't even been fired when it became clear that his only strategy was surrender. Unabashed about cheating on the first night, he demanded a second night in a hotel as well. "If I'm to be a productive participant in this programme then I need to get some rest,"he said crossly, and when the programme-makers gently pointed out that sleeping on the street was something of a sine qua non, he ran for home. Good riddance said John Bird, the conceiver of this exercise in empathy generation. Good riddance murmured all of us, with just a passing regret that the Marquess hadn't been chained to Hyde Park railings for at least one night before being allowed to scuttle back to Blenheim... Independent

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Occupational Therapy

I have noticed there is a preoccupation at the BBC with fictional dramas based around issues brought up by the War on Terr-r but I can't help personally being offended by them. Docudramas are often very good. I can see why a film maker would dedicate themselves to telling true stories of what happened. Fictionalisations, regardless of how well intentioned they are, just seems to be offensive to the memory of real people who are suffering or who have died.

Occupation on the iPlayer

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RUSHDIE

An excellent chronological documentary of The Rushdie affair is on the iPlayer. History is a great teacher and in the case of this doco, and the recent stuff the BBC have gathered about Iran facts arranged in order are enlightening in themselves.

I somehow got round to reading The Satanic verses in India, where the book is banned. I can't remember if someone lent it to me or if I bought it under the counter in Pushkar. In my long tradition now of refusing to take a standpoint, I wont take a standpoint on the Rushdie affair either. Yes I agree with freedom of speech, yet if I was a politician in India where riots are spontaneous, dangerous and regular occurances it would be very hard to think the publishing of a book to be worth some random strangers life.

As a work of fiction, the Satanic verses is one of the best stories I have read. It is rooted in the imagination. A truly psychedelic tale. I totally missed the prostitutes dressing as the prophets wives until I was involved in a discussion about all this on Pickled Politics somewhere and someone said

"Muslims take the prophets wives to be their own mothers. How would you feel if someone called your mother a whore?"

Hmmm.. You're mother's a whore is a common playground insult isn't it. In a squat I lived in around 94 a friend of mine launched himself at another random squatter who kept saying "You're mothers a whore". I thought this hilarious. I had absolutely no sympathy for either of them. I didn't have that good a time in the playground growing up either. I am not going back there for anyone.

When I see Rushdie speak I don't warm to him, in a way that I do to Hanif Kureshi talking about smoking dope in front of Rushdie's secret service protectors at their dinner parties for instance. More irksome is the jealousy I probably feel to Rushdie for the type of dolly birds he attracts. He's an ugly fucker what the story? Is he in league with Satan or something?

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Changing the World

A great documentary about the Iranian revolution- The Man Who Changed the World is on the iPlayer. What surprises me is that a lot of the Iranians who were involved don't look like fundamentalists at all. If you like docos about global politics straight from the horses mouth, they have assembled a whole field of old horses for a whole series of this. Top stuff.

Also on the iPlayer- Around the World in 80 Faiths covering snake handlers, polygamists and The Burning Man festival.

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FINALLY THE HERB COME AROUND...

Cannabis is the world's favourite drug, but also one of the least understood. Can cannabis cause schizophrenia? Is it addictive? Can it lead you on to harder drugs? Or is it simply a herb, an undervalued medicine?

Addiction specialist Dr John Marsden discovers that modern science is finally beginning to find answers to these questions. John traces the cannabis plants' birthplace in Kazakhstan; finds the origins of our sensitivity to cannabis in the simple sea squirt; and shows just what it does to our brains.

He meets people who have been changed by this drug in drastically different ways - from those whose lives have been shattered to those who lives have been revived.

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Fancy a Bevy?

I watched the Money Programme about the state of British pubs. Intersting stuff. When I was at art college I worked in a great pub in Birmingham when lager was under a pound a pint. These were probably some of the best days of my life although like most students I didn't know my ass from my elbow.

I remember the introduction of Pub co's and a dramatic hike in the price of beer over a few years. I moved to London and noticed pubs starting to close. As I had started squatting I found this an advantage. Once you were in, the owners of these closed pubs often left you there until they needed it. Better to have people looking after the place.

I didn't care about Pub co's. The misery of these managers didn't affect me. I have only gone into these big, cheap, "successful" chain pubs with friends who were alchoholics. Inside, they are full of alcholholics. They are seriously sad places. Some of the best parties I have ever been to have been in squatted pubs. I am glad of the conclusion this documentary points to. The only happiness, and the only genuine pub atmosphere, which I thought long gone exists still in free holds and pub co ops. It seems that if you want a good pub you have to buy one with your mates. If you like pubs, take notice, and buy one before there are none left.

Money Programme: Last Orders: Calling Time on Pubs on the iPlayer here

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Whats the Use?

Don't ever try and film Muslims. Honestly. Meeting Abu Waleed and Mr Choudhary recently reminded me of the frustrating circular quandry I was in with Atilla for so many years. They believe TV is controlled by those with evil intentions. So what if I try and make something my way which involves TV? What if I try and make something which I think might be useful to the British public at large? Or do some straightforward journalism?

No really- they believe the stations are controlled by.. you get the idea.

Its not that they don't have previous experienece to go on. Seeing Mr Choudhary's group I am at a bit of a loss as to what I could concievably do with them. He makes himself available to TV, fairly predictable shows with predictable results. The nugget I need to make any headway into creating something different is the fundemental key to any documentary project- Access. Anyway, I'll keep trying. See what happens. I am quite into other stuff at the moment so I am in no hurry.

I went round to see Hajj a while back to enquire as to the welfare of Mr Hamza's sons now in custody. The news I had read online was news to him.

"If they have done this, they should pay the penalty." he said firmly.

In fairly vague terms he said he wasn't keen about what he heard from East London.

"Shouting about taking over England isn't any way to speak to the kaffirs. How will anyone learn about Islam if I first make them my enemy?" I think he said. Something along those lines anyway.

He always talks in quite glowing terms about the UK.

"The reason Islam is good in the UK is because we live amongst the best of the kaffirs." he told the young guys who were also round keeping him awake into the night. When a couple of them look at him questioningly, he lays down the law, repeating himself with finality and certainty. And thats it. And this guy stood on the other side of Hamza to Atilla. For the whole time I was in Finsbury. He is just TV gold.

I know by now that the main reason for these guys to speak to a kaffir is to try and bring him to Islam. One of the guys had another fairly good attempt with me.

"He understands it all. He knows all this is true." says Hajj.

I don't get this at all. We ended up talking about anal sex in more detail than I am used to. Why should I care if people have anal sex? Personally I would only do it to afemale if she asked me nicely. All these concepts around how people hold belief. Would that make a good film? God knows. If he or she exists they do anyway. Anyway I don't care. I just like people who I like for whatever reasons suits me and everyone else can fuck off.

Apart from that I've done a few disastrous gigs which have musically been OK. I didn't puke anyway. I have been learning how to put down slate floors which is ace. I love it. We taught ourselves plastering from a Youtube video with results we are happy with, saving oursleves hundreds of pounds. I was asked for some footage by someone in the National Front. This is my movie about them. I had to decline as I don't support the National Front though I don't doubt that any of the guys who I spoke to would make fascinating TV.

However you say things through the amplification of media would be distorted. I was talking to Mike the other day about how all the Muslims we have met want to be "Clones of the prophet". I can say that here, but if it gets any further this could sound like I was being seriously offensive to Muslims. What to do?

I was asked the other day to remove some comments from my youtube page which a Muslim in Canada found offensive. I quite like the way youtube comments are a serious lowest common denominator comment wise. I am pro freedom of speech and against censorship. I try to pretend I am above intelectual snobbery regarding those who comment in an err.. more expresive way than I do with less opportunities to get a grip on spelling than I had.

No. Really, its like running a fucking playground.

Here is a bit of sporadic conversation I had recently through my Youtube inbox

Youtuber: yo do u belive in all this shit and hatred people chat agenst the west ???????

Bones: Do I believe what?

Youtuber: all the shit them musilms about how they hate the west so much and all this crap of haterid and no pice

Bones: Do I believe "all the shit them musilms about how they hate the west so much and all this crap of haterid and no pice"? I don't believe or disbelieve anything. Does this answer your question?

I received no answer.

When I look at my webstats I often wonder what the fuck I am writing about myself. The most common searches which end up here are Antichrist cookbook, Squirtwoman, varitions on "Fucking paki", "Sand Nigger" etc. and a whole load of shit about lap dancing.

I've watched loads on the iPlayer. I am still addicted to Top Gear. I am really anti petrol head but I can't help it. I am addicted. I don't want to say how many times I watched these idiots jaunting across the States in muscle cars.

I am wondering if Charlie Brooker is going to save TV. His piece about advertising was excellent, as was his piece about TV writers about their craft. I just noticed his next target is documentaries.

Anything else? Oh yeah. I re read Stranger in a Strange land. A friend has a copy which boasted of being Heinlein's original manuscript discovered by his wife after his death, with a whole load of extra stuff which he had been asked to cut. This was before science fiction became the genre it is now. The publisher felt he should only take a chance on less words. Shaking the dust off their memories, everyone re read it and agreed it was better, so out it came.

What struck me straight away was in how much detail I remember this book as the last time I read it I was 14. As for the new words, they must have been "ifs" "ands" and "buts" because I couldn't find them. The next thing to occur to me was how much older I am reading it now. Last time I read this there was no internet, moblie phones, digital media etc which now date Heinleins referal to type writers, tape recording, libraries etc. He is still ahead with flying cars, one world government and 3D TV.

I am amazed by how much of the beliefs about life I have now were shaped by reading this book.

Jack: A Soldiers Story

Is it worth it? On the iPlayer.

BBC: SAVED

Absolutely fantastic. Every part fo this doco should be incorporated into the society we live in NOW.

BOORMAN BORES AGAIN

Fuckin hell what a LOAD OF SHIT!!! What a bunch of muppets! You fucked up India man! How could you fuck up India? No seriously India was great. The truck ride was brilliant. Just when you think you are going to see a bit of India- no. its back to Booringmans innane diary cam.

Focuses on sweaty butt.
Voice over: I am wearing the wrong trousers. I have a sweaty butt.
Switch to diary cam: My butt was very sweaty. People laughed when I walked by.
Back to Booringmans sweaty butt, Voice over: I have a sweaty butt.

later

Focus on hobbling cameraman, voice over: Camera man has twisted his ankle.
Switch to diary cam: Camera man has twisted his ankle. It might be bad.
Back to hobbling cameraman: I have hurt my ankle. I have no idea how bad it is.

Who fucking edited this crap? Hilarious.

Train goes past poor people, voice over: Ahh.. Poor people. Beside railway tracks.

India looked as amazing as usual though.

BBC: SAVED

The BBC has been saved from a fate worse than Charlie Boorman's paint drying road trip by none other than Russel Brand, who has made a proper road movie. Fucking fantastic. Isn't he mad? isn't he zany? No. he is normal. Its every other fucker. I'm not going to say anymore, just watch it.

BOORMAN: WHAT IT SAYS ON THE TIN

I have been watching Charlie Boormans trip from Ireland to Sydney on the iPlayer. Is it me? Do they just miss the interesting bits out maybe? Didn't get them on film. The first two episodes come across as really bland. Its like a fucking package holiday only they have more interpreters laid on. I'd hate to have that much back up on a trip abroad. How can you have a genuine experience of a country which is your own? I never clicked before that Charlie Boorman is the son of John Boorman. Maybe it is the silver spoon which makes it all so bland. Am I jealous? Yeah probably. Of the trip, but not the company. This sort of planning would take all the fun out of a trip for me. Its the sort of thing a snooty girlfriend would insist on. How can you film a bloody trip around the world and it be crap? Ah well. They are in India next episode so I have a bit of hope. You could fall over drunk with a camera in India and make a good movie.

For a less Boor-ring travelers tale read Tom Thumbs Hand to Mouth to India. I met this guy at the end of his journey and got one of the first copies printed in Goa. I advised Tom to approach some publishers on his return but he didn't seem too keen on the idea. I think he had had enough of his trip by then. I was pleased to come across the book selling well on Amazon a few years ago.