LOST MALUNG

I don't know if its middle class angst. I know I want to get this doc to TV and it probably is wrapped up in the urge to "achieve" in terms the society around me accepts. I don't accept society. I've never felt good about what I see around me since I came back from Asia 5 years ago. I don't blame anyone, or hate politicians or media of any creed. It all seems too serious to do that. And a solution seems achievable.

I do understand that The Finsbury Muslim community must be totally paranoid of the media and the government, especially now Mr. Hamza is in Belmarsh. I do question their thesis that the media and government are linked though, and I question it from my own experience over two years in Finsbury Park. Yeah, sure ITV London and such like bigged up the rough and tumble mask wearing Muslims, but that was probably because they translated such behaviour as protecting a terrorist. I didn't. I noticed when Mr. Hamza was arrested, on extradition charges brought by the US Channel 4 news put Mr. Abdullah's

"Kissing America's backside" comment went up.

I wondered when I first started this how controlled the media was, Finsbury park seemed like the ideal place to find out for myself as I could see what was happening, and watch how it went up on TV afterwards. Most journalists I have met in Finsbury Park have been really encouraging, even from those who disagreed with my position. There were some arseholes doing arsehole stories but A Zionist controlled media? I don't know. I'm certainly not scared, but I suppose it's not my friend in Belmarsh, or my religion accused of harbouring terrorists.

I'm not going to be a sensationalist hack living off other peoples lives, which was why I started filming with the kids.I still look at the first interviews I did with them in awe. I wish things were this easy with Abdullah and co but I can understand why they are not, and why I have been taring my hair out. I think I should revise my ideas and present something with as little of me in it as possible. I wish I wasn't so depressed. Giving up drugs is so hard without going into Vippasna