TEXAN HOSPITALITY

Its great to get your sterotypes blown. The socialistwanker editor and I got to meet our lone female (Texan) article contributor yesterday who was passing through London on holiday.

“Is she going to buy us lunch?” asked the editor when I called him to invite him the day before.

This vexed me a bit. She had contributed an article to us and so I figured it was us who owed her. I hoped the editor would behave himself. I called him the next morning. He was unsure where he was.

“Are you going to behave yourself?”

“Yes.”

“They are in the Hilton on Edgware rd.”

I didn't know whether they would let someone like me into the Hilton hotel reception. I had only ever been there before as a motorbike courier. I thought Kimberley would be big, not so pretty and have something about her manner I would consider annoyingly American so I was really pleased to find that I was wrong on all counts and a bit guilty for having such a negative imagination when it came to Americans.

She had a couple of friends with her and we all went for lunch at a Lebanese restaurant on the Edgware rd, the disheveled ex-editor phoning quite a number of times threatening that he was on his way.

“No we’re not coming to Finsbury Park to get you. The girls only have a few hours. Meet us here.”

It was really nice to meet some Texans and I found myself instantly jealous of the fact that Kimberley knew where home was and although she didn’t like her work she obviously fitted into the western world a bit easier than I did. She wasn’t a shockable American at all and the way she talked about her beliefs made Roman Catholicism seem more like Buddhism than the vague Buddhism I almost believe but don’t practice. We had a 30 something yearning for children in common, an urge I think she is more likely to fulfill than I.

Kimberley and friends also spoke of a mythical rootin tootin stetson and cowboy boots wearin opinionated republican they knew who once went ballistic in a London American style bar because they had the flag of Texas upsidedown. We've been looking for one of these for ages to fill our "Guest Republican" slot. Could he be the one?

When we started socialistwanker I never imagined that we'd be making connections in Bush's home state, but after e-meeting Jenjus, Rightwingsparkle, Kimberley et al, we might just get introduced at the Bush's home ranch for tea yet.

I ate a Lebanese sausage sandwich that put every other sausage sandwich I have ever eaten to shame. After eating it I couldn’t believe how other takeaways could consider calling their greasy chopped in half with a bit’o mustard efforts sausages or sandwiches.

They all remarked that they never had met a junkie before.

“Mike’s just a kid really. He’s lovely. When he arrives try to appear shocked by the things he says. That’ll make him happy.”

We had a quick practice. “Well! I declare!” and “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”

When he did arrive he actually looked a lot more of a junkie than usual, though he had apparently been off the stuff for a couple of weeks. He was pale unshaven and wearing sunglasses inside. If I had seen him first I would have got up and bumped into him saying

“Sorry mate! You didn’t see me.” like I try to with everyone I see wearing sunglasses inside.

He sat and tried to shock.

“I try and do something everyday I haven’t done before.”

“ Err.. go on then Mike…”

“ Let’s ride on the bus with no tickets.”

“ Err.. I think these girls come from a state where people carry guns in the street...” I tried to help.

It was lovely finding out that people you meet by chance on the internet actually do exist in real life and I was pleased that my suspicions that people might look and act different, but we are not really that different to each other at all were confirmed.

Mike must have been happy because as we got up to leave Kimberley insisted on paying for lunch for all of us. True Texan hospitality in London. Thank you Kimberley! Have a lovely holiday!