Click on the pic for a larger image. From the HUGE collection in the Vandalised Conservative Billboards Photos group on Facebuk.

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YOUNG TORIES

I was talking to someone from Conservative Futures in the Bournemouth area the other day. I was straight up about how dissapointed I was that the Tories weren't dying out and that young people today might be attracted to what we always saw as the party of the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer. I was keen to ask why and the answers were very interesting.

She said she had met the Bournemouth MP who has been recently embroiled in this expenses scandal and she thought he was a really nice guy. She totally accepted that it was obvious he wasn't and she wouldn't be voting Conservative in her area anymore because of the revelations she had heard on the news. Her vote the other day went to UKIP.

She said that although some Conservatives were stuffy, there were a whole load of new people in the party who were really genuine people and interestingly most of them hated David Cameron and thought he was a slick smarmy git but there wasn't a lot they could do or many alternatives open to them- a problem I should imagine most grass roots Labour people had watching Blair on his way up.

She said that what had attracted her to the party at the time was Boris Johnson.

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READY FOR IT...

David Cameron: I'll tell the truth about UFOs


Tory leader David Cameron has promised to be "entirely open and frank" on what the Government knows about UFO incidents.

Speaking at one of his regular Cameron Direct meetings in Tynemouth, North Tyneside, he was questioned about a spate of mysterious close encounters.

Mr Cameron said: "I believe in freedom of information and openness and this question has been asked from time to time and we should be as open and clear as possible.

"I'd be quite happy to give you a guarantee that, if I became Prime Minister, I would always be open and frank about these things."...

Vote Conservative. Collonise space.

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BORIS FOR MAYOR

London Mayoral candidate Boris Johnson says he will allow motorcycles to use bus lanes in the city, if he is elected to the post during polling in May.

SINS OF THE MOTHER

Hey, its genuinely nice to see our opposition leader David Cameron taking to Youtube. So nice I managed to say so three times on his channel webcameronuk although I'm not sure how long my comments will stay up when he sees the video I dedicated to him. When I was a kid, Thatcher, Tebbit et all were Satan, no question. This Tory-lite with a touchy feely new leader still takes getting used to.



Considering his channel is backed by a national Political party I'm competing fairly well in terms of Youtube viewers and comments. I always thought the internet would become a great leveller, but then again I don't think the average elderly Tory has even heard of Youtube.

Mr. Camel and I discussed a while back what it would take for us to move to the right, the left being such a miserable abject faliure over here. I often wonder if we would see a shock Tory landslide if they decided to legalise cannabis at the last minute. Not likely says David here, though I heard a Tory on Question Time speak favourably of the RSA report.

The film Bulworth was on TV last night. If I had a chance I'd vote Bulworth every time. So would everyone, so how come we can't? Joking (and fiction) aside one day we are going to have to see beyond factional politics and find something which works for everyone and that'll involve talking. Everybody talking. Thats a revolutionary idea no?

RSA pdf here

Bulworth electable wisdom below:

GANJAFARMER

Somewhere in my archive is a blog where I promised myself that when all my filming with Abdullah, Hamza and co was over I would make a really nice little film about people growing weed in a hot country.

Here it is and its dedicated to David Cameron.

Visit Jamaica. Its fantastic. When people greet you it sounds like they are going to kick your head in, but they are just saying hello.

The intro music is Marlon Ashers version of Ganjafarmer, the outro is Buju's version.

It annoys me that I've had to blank the faces, maybe one day society will sort itself out.

If you aren't interested in ganja, there are scenes of new born goats in this one.

PULL THE RUG

OK a bit of bollo-ticks for you all.

I enjoy looking at Republican blogs on all issues "War on Terror" "Blame the rag heads etc." but when I see local politics debated I glaze over. I hope you all feel the same about this excursion.

I actually felt something turn on its head tonight in my country. The Conservative party aided a government defeat with a reasoned Liberal arguement.

The Conservative party. Remember Margaret Thatcher?

Unbelievable. They didn't do it for the right reasons of course. They did it because they knew that if they withdrew their pre-agreed support for Blair on terror related issues post 7/7 at this crucial time they could erode his personal power. They couldn't say that of course, so instead they made the argument. Calmly and rationaly I watched David Davis, Conservative party leadership candidate making more or less the same case as Diane Abbot on the issue of civil liberty. Absolutely ridiculous.

CHEAP DRUGS AND VOTING SCANDALS

Listening to the radio I've heard of an electoral survey which says that 18% of people in London aren't registered to vote. Can't find a link online yet.

The Labour woman said:

"Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah"

The Conservative reaction was:

"Woomph, woomph, womph, woomph, woomph, woomph, woomph" and something about compulsory voting.

I don't know. Maybe the concept of choice would be a good idea! More choice than Tweedle dum, tweedle dee and Tweedle TWAT.

I don't usually buy newspapers, especially lefty ones, but the Guardians "Special K" drug of choice, page 3 got 60p out of my pocket straight away. For previous Malung-TV Ketamine stories see (HIT HIM WITH A PIECE OF WOOD, ALLAH AND JAHILIAH, THIS ROOM IS THE EARTH and the first Hamza related blog I ever wrote LIES AND MORE LIES)

Our in depth, dutifully researched socialistwanker ketamine movie is here, which Mr. Camel (Camel? Are you sure Mike?) tells me was made by the author of this enlightened report into squat culture in London.

Here we go then...

Firstly, ain't nobody calls Ketamine "Special K". Maybe on the gay scene. Don't know... just looked at our own webmagazine and apparently Mr. Camel does so maybe I'm wrong.

"The emergence of ketamine as a key substance of choice is an entirely new phenomenon since we carried out the survey in 2004 when it didn't figure at all" says Harry Shapiro

Harry you are SACKED. Get your cards. You have BLATANTLY conned decent law abiding people into believing you are an authority. I remember Madona talking about doing K years ago. My big binge year was 1999 in India and it was already popular in London then.

Ketamine is being sold for as little as £15 a gram in London and Nottingham, half the average UK cost

K has recently gone up to £15 under extreme protest for no bloody good reason. Don't encourage the capitalist drug dealing scum.

"...You can spot them on the dance floor because they are not dancing, they're sitting down in a bit of a vegetative state."

Trick is to wave your arms about as you are coming up. You should then be able to remember how to move as it hits. Most of the time. Maybe...

The rise...has alarmed Home office ministers who have decided to outlaw it...

Prohibition! That'll work wont it! Always has done in the past hasn't it? Just once I'd like to spike some of these New Labour coke heads with Ketamine.

battlefield surgery in Vietnam

I heard about this when everyone was claiming it was "Just a horse tranquiliser" (neigh) . I have yet to read a good Vietnam K story and I have spent time looking for one.

Giving K to a German guy to try for the first time in Goa I warned him about how fast it could come on. As I watched his eyes glaze he went silent for ten minutes and then said slowly

"My horses are all asleep. Totally tranquilized."

If it is mixed with ecstasy it can bring back E sensations

Totally. trick is to do everything else first. In Goa I used to take it at the end of an acid trip. Just when everything got too confusing I could blast myself through the cosmos and come down more or less straight in an hour or so. Most off my bollox I've ever been in my life. Only time I've ever stood and watched a whole dance floor moving in slow motion for what seemed like an eternity of bliss.

The Advisory council...said recreational users were unlikely to come to harm

Apparently it was used on the battlefield because it was such a safe tranquiliser to self administer

Traditionally ketamine pills came from vet surgeries but recently...shipped from India in Rosewater bottles

SACKED. SACKED. SACKED.

I have NEVER seen a Ketamine pill IN MY LIFE. The drip down at the back of the throat makes it bad enough putting the shit up your nose. I would not ingest the stuff through my stomach lining in a hurry. It all comes from India except for my secret UK medical source I lost contact with some time ago.

ecstacy pills 50p in Portsmouth, £1 in Birmingham

Thankyou. Hope the capitalist drug dealing scum are reading...

Dealers offering two for one..

If a dealer EVER offered me two for one on ANYTHING I would run away convinced he was a fucking copper.

And in more mainstream media advertisments for drug consumers apparently if you want cheap Cannabis, pssst! the word on the street is you got to go to Cardiff. Although the Belfast telegraph reckon there is some sort of "Druglink Street Prices 2005 survey" we should be looking into.

MORE TORY WANKERS

This from Jon Snows snowmails

The Tories are naturally insisting that Michael Howard has not given up
hope of victory. Today he released a timetable for action - it includes
a promise to put "matron" in charge of hospital wards by June 6th.

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and who the FUCK put a whole tier of managment into the NHS who knew FUCK ALL about nursing? These wankers make me fucking sick. I don't like the Conservatives very much.

TORY WANKERS

After my experiences with Galloway and Robin Cook I've ben checking through the internet looking for similar Conservative "hustings" to attend.

Look at this.

Tickets £6, tickets £12, tickets £15...I could go dancing all night and get out of my head for that.

BLAIR

Seeing the headlines the other day, complete with close-ups of Mr. Blairs nervous face made me worry a bit about my "fuck the lot of them" political stance. I didn't agree with attacking Iraq. I don't know how someone in a suit can sit there knowing that he has helped unleash death on so many innocent strangers. But to me, Tony Blair is a political freak.

I don't like Blair.

To qualify that statement I have to put in what my ex-girlfriend says about me and Blair.

"You fuckin love him you do! He's your bestest buddy!"

The thing about Blair is that he communicates like no other Politician from left or right and he has always done so. He talks like you and I do. How much of this is stage managed?

No other Prime Minister has used the "masochism special" as a Political media technique. No other Prime Minister has used it to such effect. Every time Blair gets sticky about the war he's off down some backwater hicksville shopping centre getting slagged off to his face by intelligent young members of the public. And it works.

I don't like Blair, but the idea of him loosing to the evil Howard almost makes me want to register, run to the booth and vote for him. There you are. I've said it now.

Why?

Because if the Tory's had been in charge on Sept 11th war would be global, every Muslim I have been filming would have been locked up, guilty or not. I would probably have been locked up for doing what I am doing and this country would be a Police state now, rather than just heading in that direction. To me, the idea of another crisis with the evil Howard in charge does not bear thinking about.

FUCKING IMMIGRANTS 2

I had a very enlightening conversation with "voter X" over the weekend. "Voter X" lives on the south coast of England. We used to argue about politics quite a lot. It is very interesting how his views have changed over the years. I wonder if his views will reflect on the upcoming elections.

Right and left wing used to be extremely polarised in this country. Its not anymore which makes me really happy in itself even though nothing has changed.

"Voter X" now considers the environment to be his number one issue, even though he is as right wing as most people in rural England. His second biggest issue is immigration. His wife works with the Police. When they encounter illegal immigrants in rural England, with no papers, and no idea what they are doing in this country, they arrest them for a night, let them out in the morning and tell them

"Go to Croydon."

We live in a bit of a bubble in London, strangers are everywhere. People are suspicious of strangers in rural England so talking to "Voter X" makes me wonder if the evil Howard will get in, as rural England seems, unfortunately to be thinking what he is thinking.

The strangest thing is that the one issue which will stop "voter X" voting Tory (I hope) is the economy. Its wierd to think that the one party which for 18 years came across as "big buisness and fuck everyone else" is in a situation where it is not trusted by its core support to run the economy.

"Voter X" is hoping (as I am) for a hung parliament.

"Make the fuckers work together for the good of the people for a change." he told me.