June 18, 2004


I’d like to start by apologizing for not voting. For my part in a responsible democracy I am trying to introduce the frightened masses that watch T.V. news to the evil people who attend Finsbury Park Mosque- and they are just the journalists. My documentary (if it ever gets made now) will hopefully demonstrate how they plan to blow the living shit out of us and destroy our wonderful British way of life from the pavement every Friday then go round the corner for chips all under the roving eye of a C.C.T.V. camera.

This week I actually got the main man who has been blocking my lense for the last year to talk on camera. For future reference, I will always know that the person who complains the loudest about having his picture taken is a closet star in the making. More of him later. Hajj was talking to me about skunk. I’m going to get the lowdown on what Allah thinks about weed from Hajj next week- I promise.

My main character believes George Bush sacrifices children to an Owl god. My secondary character has just been dragged off to Belmarsh and is being called The Bin Laden of Britain. Finsbury Park Islamists on the street say he has been like a father to them. Do I believe George Bush sacrifices children to an Owl God? Well I think that anyone who refuses even to ratify the Kyoto treaty must by default be sacrificing a lot of people’s children to something.

Britain is fantastic. While editors control the media from newsrooms (or the evil Zionist government if you believe Mr. Abdullah) On the street in Finsbury Park the media has been controlled for a year and a half by a small number of locals with sinister looking masks and an amazing Jamaican who has told almost every eminent TV journalist in the country to

“ Go home and cook your wife some dumplings.”

Whilst standing in front of their camera. All sensitively policed by the Met. If I organized a protest in the street what sort of Police would I meet and how long would it last? Yet this is Britain and because of religion the Chief Superintendent himself comes down for a polite chat with everyone to make sure everything is O.K. and I am fine with that. Especially when I get to talk to Mr. Dumplings

This is why taxpayers are paying to keep the mosque closed:

POLICEMAN: Can you take this conversation on the footpath so that we can get the road open, thank you very much?

DUMPLINGS: You want to talk to me?

BONES: You’ve told almost every famous journalist in this country to go home and cook his wife dumplings; what would you like to ...

DUMPLINGS: The reason being, at this time the summer is drawing nigh. You know what nigh mean? Near. The Christian use near. Black people they use nigh…and the most food you can think of right now is dumplings. Go in the West Indies and get dumplings. And don’t use nothing else except salt fish. You know salt fish? Salt fish and Akee. What you think…what you eat?


DUMPLINGS: Tell you what Fish and rice. Proteins. Good for the human body...don’t eat those fish from the market...Computer fish...don’t eat those computer fish. Real Caribbean fish.

DRUNK(Who happened to be walking past): Fish makes the brain work.

DUMPLINGS: The brain work? How can the brain work without beard? The brains cannot work without beard. You got to have beard on your mout’ you know brain. You know bre-ard...You know; Beard? On your face. And you activate the brain. I tried it man. Look at me. Nine years...anything else? Please don’t ask me anything about Islam. Ask me about Black people and white people. There’s a difference. You know?
One of the most important things I like about Finsbury Park...the only quiet place in Finsbury Park? The mosque...Quiet and decent. You understand? Look at all the brothers here. All the brothers standing here, they are very rich. They are rich people. We’re not poor people. Look at he way we dress.

MYSTERY MASKED MUSLIM: Versacci, Gucci, Armani, Prada...

DUMPLINGS: You know what kind of car that brother drive?...Believe me...We come all the way here on a Friday. You know what Friday is? ...Judgement Day. Judgement day? You don’t believe that do you?

BONES: I have no idea...I don’t know. Really.

DUMPLINGS: What day do you think judgement day will be?

BONES. Friday.

DUMPLINGS: How you know?

BONES: Because you told me?

DUMPLINGS: Because Thursday? No good. Everyone wants to go pay their bills...don’t mention Wednesday. Every Christian and non-Muslim, they burry. Tuesday? You cook the most important food on a Tuesday. Monday they give you benefits? In England they give you benefits. I’m not social security. Do I look like social security? ...The last benefit I get? ...I get sentenced in court...Three weeks ago…that’s my only benefit. I was accused convicted and condemned in court…you know why? Cos I’m Black.

I’m sure we will see more Dumplings in due course. A few weeks ago when the UBA were here someone actually said to my camera

“ Isn’t the environment a more important issue?”

It’s taken a year and a half of filming for someone to actually come here and come up with that- and he was on his lunch break. Now there’s someone with the taxpayer’s interest at heart.

A picture of Mr. Dumplings is here:

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Nice, nice, keep it going. Fantastic stuff. "evil people at FP - and that's just the journos..."